freaking out

because a simple conversation has made me realise that
I am wasting my youth and time what am I even doing oh god why is life so hard,


oh dear.
oh dear oh dear.

vipers

My japanese tutor would be so proud of my terrific handwriting comparable to that of a 10 year old's. I remember him going "?!" after writing "韓国" because my 韓 was 3x larger than the 国. How do Japanese people write kanji without making them look like giants beside their hiragana / katakana counterparts?

...

Tokyo awaits in about 8 hours.

緊張しています

A MYTH

How do you know when you are truly and wholly over a person?

Let me ponder over this while consuming delectable japanese food products tonight.

Side note: I've decided that the core problem with me and my overwhelming sense of insecurity towards everyone around me (ie, parents, girlfriend, sisters, friends, colleagues, best friend - even though she always always always reassures me despite my problems being frustratingly repetitive) is my lack of self esteem. People say that they have 'low self esteem' and 'low confidence' in the most flippant manner but I mean it guys. When you are convinced everyone around you secretly hate you and think you are full of shit and wish you never existed / is just making use of your existence until it wears out, it's time to re-evaluate your personal rating of our own self worth.

Now the million dollar question is HOW.
How the fuck?
How can anyone feel worthy of anything when they are so imperfect and flawed.

sos

S.O.S
S.O.S

Everyday for the past 3 weeks.
182 more days to go.

People talk shit all the time so forgive me if I do not believe in anything.

There are 182 more days of madness.
Within which I will get inked / travel to tokyo / get lost in tokyo  / visit london and bristol / travel to taipei / lose weight / lose all emotions / lose myself / join a church / seek salvation / fail / bungee jump / sky dive / get plastic surgery / set specific people on fire / set their families on fire / set their pets on fire / set myself on fire / shout s.o.s but die anyway lol.

Life.