freaking out

because a simple conversation has made me realise that
I am wasting my youth and time what am I even doing oh god why is life so hard,


oh dear.
oh dear oh dear.

vipers

My japanese tutor would be so proud of my terrific handwriting comparable to that of a 10 year old's. I remember him going "?!" after writing "韓国" because my 韓 was 3x larger than the 国. How do Japanese people write kanji without making them look like giants beside their hiragana / katakana counterparts?

...

Tokyo awaits in about 8 hours.

緊張しています

A MYTH

How do you know when you are truly and wholly over a person?

Let me ponder over this while consuming delectable japanese food products tonight.

Side note: I've decided that the core problem with me and my overwhelming sense of insecurity towards everyone around me (ie, parents, girlfriend, sisters, friends, colleagues, best friend - even though she always always always reassures me despite my problems being frustratingly repetitive) is my lack of self esteem. People say that they have 'low self esteem' and 'low confidence' in the most flippant manner but I mean it guys. When you are convinced everyone around you secretly hate you and think you are full of shit and wish you never existed / is just making use of your existence until it wears out, it's time to re-evaluate your personal rating of our own self worth.

Now the million dollar question is HOW.
How the fuck?
How can anyone feel worthy of anything when they are so imperfect and flawed.

sos

S.O.S
S.O.S

Everyday for the past 3 weeks.
182 more days to go.

People talk shit all the time so forgive me if I do not believe in anything.

There are 182 more days of madness.
Within which I will get inked / travel to tokyo / get lost in tokyo  / visit london and bristol / travel to taipei / lose weight / lose all emotions / lose myself / join a church / seek salvation / fail / bungee jump / sky dive / get plastic surgery / set specific people on fire / set their families on fire / set their pets on fire / set myself on fire / shout s.o.s but die anyway lol.

Life.

liar, liar, pants on fire

If you wish to lie, at least make it a damn good one, impossible to figure out and cover your loopholes, no matter how small.

Sarcastic type

   


—
Pretty amazing how a random sketch inspired by the sudden influx of highly confident individuals' shameless modelling of their bodies could turn into something I actually find mildly appealing. Of course, it's lined with mistakes aplenty but I drew that shit and then I traced that shit out in Illustrator and then I threw that shit into Photoshop and prettied that shit up until I got that shit above. That's a million hours worth of work and yes, I am exaggerating.

Honestly though, WHY. Why do people post their bodies on instagram. WHY. All I see are flaws (unless you are a person of heavenly decent like the angels of Victoria's Secret). Why do people even LIKE those pictures. Why does the general population encourage / motivate such blatant narcissistic attempts for attention. WHY.

Probably not

—
Done at a whim because my girlfriend needed some posters ASAP (caps deliberate). Ended up not even giving this to her because I am an anal, perfectionistic retard who is never satisfied and hates all her work. I hate all my work. I really do. Sometimes I stare at all the shit I've done in these 2 years and mope over the fact that I will never have enough balls to put anything in my portfolio. But hey, here is a pink / purple / blue swirly word thingy with a thousand edits accompanied by a million disappointed sighs.

Thursdays are ironically my most detested day of the week. How about that.