Body issues

At Zoukout, I thought it would be nice to be hoisted onto someone's shoulders and feel like the world was at my feet as I fist pumped and partied on top of the world. There is this girl I used to think I fancied a lot (turns out I was only so wildly fixated on her because she was so unattainable and I like unattainable things but the exhilaration from the chase wears off rather quickly). She is a lot taller than I am and she'd lift me every time we hugged but yesterday she said I was, "heavy now". Heavy now. Heavy Now.

So this is me at Zoukout in a bikini.

Left to fester in my fats by myself on the margins of the beach probably after I'd killed someone with my butt while trying to sit down on what I thought was the ground but was in fact a human because I couldn't see past the perimeter of my waist.

(Dear person in the picture, I admire how comfortable you are with your body and would like to be as comfortable so if you could teach me your ways I would be incredibly grateful.)

Sorry for being so irritable and melodramatic but my period is arriving soon (in theatres near you) and my thoughts are going out of control. As if I didn't feel insecure / inadequate enough on a usual day already. Last night, I picked a fight with my sandals for not sliding comfortably and effortlessly onto my feet so yeah the situation right now is pretty much intense.

All I want to do is stay at home under my blanket with a good book and disappear into another world.

But I can't do that.

As I work.

So I'm just going to ignore everyone until I feel like talking again.